Beview: April 2014

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014
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Wanting what you can't have

I recently gave up two loves of my life for Lent: chocolate, and crisps. And even more recently, we were reunited. Over the 40 days, I would kick myself for giving up both, and count down the days to crisps. Chocolate was slightly easier, as I'd completely innocently bent the rules for "The Rules" to exclude Nutella and hot chocolate, so I was never really totally deprived of chocolate... But still, it was a tough 40 days. Now it's over, I've abused the ability to have chocolate a tad too much, but I'm not really bothered by crisps. A classic case of wanting what you can't have (and in the crisp case, not wanting what you can have when you can have it!).

Is this why we play hard to get? Or why "unrequited" is an actual word? The game's all in the chase - for some, anyway. If someone's not interested, it makes it more interesting, because now it's some sort of mission for your inner savvy agent and there's the fixation that won't go away until you have it (which will be never). The idea of making the impossible (aka "can't have"), possible (aka "have"). When you're single, you miss being in a relationship. When you're in a relationship, you miss being single. You secretly want to be famous, but once everyone's screaming your name, there's suddenly nothing more desirable than "a normal life". Obviously this isn't the case for everyone, but it does happen. Fortunately, my only real experience of this is Le Lent Crisp situation. Totally the same thing....

It's plain to see in some cases. Everyone knows that Channing Tatum is happily (and incredibly adorably) married, but it doesn't stop you pining over those Magic Mike abs, does it?

When I had a pretty serious jaw operation several years ago (with a 6 month recovery period), I couldn't eat solids properly for 2 months. Besides baby food and soup, I wanted good ol' junk food (think choc n' crisps) but physically couldn't eat. The solution? Crush some chocolate up and make a milkshake, and having what I couldn't have. The conclusion? Wanting what you can't have is a real thing. A quick Google search will tell you all about extrinsic motivators and driving satisfaction through the need for dopamine and all that.

It's not all doom and gloom though. I can't have an all-expenses trip around the world with 5* yachts and personal chefs and champagne around the clock, but then again I don't particularly want it. There are plenty of people I can't "have", but that doesn't mean I "want" them. Let's face it: David and Victoria are meant to be together. Just because wanting what you can't have exists, doesn't mean it's a common occurrence and will - or should - particularly affect you. There's always been the whole grass is greener psychology, but the truth is, there's so much to enjoy from what you already have. There is a simple, admirable beauty of being satisfied with what you have, no matter how great or small that is.

There are loads and loads of needs and wants out there, but the state of not having something shouldn't have to be the most important reason to want to have it.

(If that makes sense? If not, think crisps. Everything is clearer with crisps.)

PS. Who said you can't have it anyway? As Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness once said...Don't ever let somebody tell you... You can't do something... You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014
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Wanting what you can't have

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