The Apprentice: All Fired Up?
Thursday, May 09, 2013
It's that time of the year again...the return of the boardroom, the 16 capable candidates, and the "I could do that so much better!" screams from your living rooms. The Apprentice (UK) has treated us to not one, but two, episodes from the latest 9th series. We've watched as eager beavers jumped the gun straight into the crossfire (we're talking about Apprentice...gotta have some cliches!) as the teams tackle selling stuff, and making beer. Since Tuesday, the forums/social networking sites have been spreading comments like wildfire along the lines of "The Apprentice has had it's time." I disagree.
***Firstly, if you don't like spoilers and have not yet watched this week's episodes? Stop reading now! I will tell you who's fired, and you won't like me for it. Run whilst you still can***
So, they all get fired. (Only joking; seriously, stop reading.) The first episode showed the ultra-super-ridiculously cringey "I'm the best" candidate statements...we had likenings to Jessica Rabbit and Napoleon, amongst other quotes that will make you want to hide behind a pillow - not out of fear. Candidates include silver-haired fox Myles Mordaunt, whose name alone conveys power, sucess and wealth (or is it just me?), doctor Leah Totton who I think totally disproves the "dumb blonde" concept and I reckon will go very far, Sophie Lau who reminds me so much of Susan Ma, Francessca who is Stella English, impeccably educated Jason Leech, Alex "Those Eyebrows" Mills, and Luisa Zissman who apparently asked fellow candidates who "the President of England" was. And of course, we got the cheesy team names: Endeavour and Evolve. I'm just waiting for the day they run out of those inspirational words and choose something more obscure...like "Beliebers4Lyf". Just imagine the look on Lord Sugar's face!
Episode 1 involved selling a container-load of goods including lucky Chinese cat plastic figures, loo roll, bottled water and leather jackets. Already, both boys and girls were bickering like there's no tomorrow. Leading the girls, we had enthusiastic Jaz, a name undoubtedly shortened from "JazzHands", whose eagerness was admirable but ended up patronising her colleages as 5 year old kids at school. I was particularly impressed by Leah, who has a smart aura about her, and especially annoyed by Luisa (have you seen the horrible tabloid party photos published? Definitely not Apprentice-friendly). Anyone who uses "no offence, but you're just a doctor" as an insult is definitely on my "Fired" list. On The Apprentice, there are a lot of "With hindsight, we would have done this..." moments - this team's included going to Chinatown to sell overpriced cats only to find all shops closed. "Is it a Chinese holiday?". No, silly, it's 9am. The boys also encountered cat problems, wasting time shoving batteries in, in order to make their sale. Neil, who looks like either an actor or football manager, tried to claim his crown as Alpha Male of this series; from past viewing experience, he'll do well and go far.
In the boardroom, the usual talking over each other occurred (when does it not!?) and we said goodbye to Jaz instead of Logistics Uzma and Quiet Sophie. Just when you think it's over, real life Tigger, Tim, makes a plea that would feel better placed in the firing line... Big mistake!
Leading onto Episode 2, making and selling beer, where Tim leads the girly team (pretty sure I heard Luisa say something like "come on girlies!") and Quiet Kurt is PM for the boys. Blame the editing, but I saw Kurt in Ep1 so rarely I didn't really know he existed. After choosing a rhubarb and caramel flavoured beer, the girls were making a mess...literally. I wanted to look away and run a mile, after watching them completely mess up simple calculations and standing around like clueless children instead of capable business-owners. Maybe I'm being harsh, but Lord Sugar should be going into business with someone who can do ratios and numbers, right? The boys, similarly, made errors including telling someone who didn't even drink in the brewery. And sending people to a business pitch without the product. Here, have a sniff. The bottle smells alright so buy some! Hmm... The standout perforance, however, came from Jason. Zeehan is close to closing a deal, and Jason suddenly jumps in with a lower price. He's sworn at, poor guy, and treated like a child told to sit in the corner and not speak unless spoken to. With the games, malice and tactics of The Apprentice, unless he has a supreme business plan, I don't think he'll be cutthroat enough to compete with the other spiky characters.
After the boys win by quite some margin, the other boy Tim is fired. Only the project managers have gone so far, kind of showing that you can sit in the backseat for the early episodes and go through (what did Sophie and Jordan do?). I'm left feeling sad about Tim's departure; I picked him out as my favourite during the first episode, and really think he'd be a series standout if he made it a few weeks longer. The fired candidates from the early weeks are never really remembered, which is a shame.
Anyway, two episodes...verdict? The Apprentice has had me shouting at my screen on more-than numerous occasions. I've questioned the BBC's "casting" decisions quite a bit as well. I'm sure some of these people are more likeable in "real life" than they're portrayed to be, and although I'm not currently convinced, I'm sure their business acumen will shine through too. (Having said that, it's a general consensus that they are all about "selling". I think they'll need to prove they're not just good salespeople to impress the viewer.) But when it comes down to it, The Apprentice makes good TV. It gets you ranting (see all above!!), debating, shouting, tweeting...and the controversial candidates are there for a reason. Good TV and guilty pleasures... Welcome back!
Before next Wednesday's episode...Whos' Who? Enjoy some seeing double :)
(Jason Leech, Alex Epstein. Francesca MacDuff-Varley, Stella English. Susan Ma, Sophie Lau.)
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