If your life was a movie,

Love at first sight would probably exist. Or, date at first sight at least. (Your eyes lock across a crowded room, slow string music plays and he's over in a jiffy to get your number.)

You can like whoever you like, because odds are, they like you back. (Even when he's a 100 year old apparently-super-hot cold vampire and you're just the new kid, and he wants to kill you but can somehow overlook that and then proceed to fall in love with you.)


It's formulaic (three conversations? A date is inevitable), and you'd both make equal effort.

They always text back.

A mad dash to the airport is necessary. A simple phone call to communicate is not enough, and they're always about to flee the country.

Cheesy lines just wouldn't sound as cheesy. And would be socially acceptable. And work.



You wouldn't have to search very hard - they find you.

Competition? What competition?

There would be a perfect song for every moment and each moment is perfectly timed.

You'd walk to a beat.

Life would be made of moments...

...And you'd remember everything because flashbacks are pretty reliable.

You could jump fearlessly from rooftop to rooftop in a heartbeat.

If you fell, there'd be a conveniently placed truck of rubbish.

It'd be easy to spot the bad guy.

There would always, always someone to save the day.

The lighting would always be excellent. And bad hair days would consist of slightly ruffled messy hair and that's it.

You'd look mighty fine at 6 o'clock in the morning.

Looking 'ugly' is having glasses and your hair up. A beauty transformation is imminent as soon as you take them off and swish your hair into place.



Everything would happen at the convenient right time - looking for Mr Smith? London may be a huge city but you will run into ol' Smithy at the cafe.

You'd never have to wait for a lift. Because that would just take too long.

They'd pick up the phone on the first ring.

You would literally never have to pee. Toilet cubicles are only used for eating on lonely days (a la Mean Girls)

Happy endings. Constantly.

I've pretty much exhausted the list of feel-good romantic comedies on my Netflix, and there's always a winning formula. The girl gets the guy (and vice versa) and everything falls into place right before the credits roll. She beats out all the competition and everybody loves her. Chances are she has a secret hidden talent. The best friend is around 24/7 and knows exactly what to say when you reach the tricky situation around the 50 minute mark. Everything's cool.

Ok, it's Hollywood and at any rate we should be running in the opposite direction rather than making disappointingly naive comparisons. But that doesn't mean we do it (the running); when we're having a rough day, we secretly hope and dream that something might just magically happen and fix it with the swish of a magic wand. We secretly wish that we'd be noticed by the very person we're trying so hard to impress - when the reality is they're most likely not interested or already taken. It's time to wake up and realise that we do not, sadly, have fairy godmothers (and Prince Charmings are the most fictional of fairytale characters).

This is why one of my favourite films to watch is He's Just Not That Into You - it's like romance and anti-romance all at the same time (but romance obviously wins in the end because, y'know). The main character, Gigi, is slightly hopeless in a way most characters aren't, and one I can definitely identify with, and then you find out all the movie cliches are not all your typical hippy happy ending.

But it's not all doom and gloom. Poor Gigi gets the guy in the end, and you also remember that life doesn't have to be like a film, because it's so so so so much more interesting this way. Life unscripted, so you can be spontaneous - and sometimes it is ok not to do anything vaguely interesting for a very long time. It's ok not to look like a glamorous movie star, or feel pressured to want to. And yes, your single years can be so much fun. Perhaps like a film, in real life there's a time for everything. You fall down sometimes and there's nobody to watch you clamber back to your feet and that's fine. The One definitely won't fall from heaven and approach me in the next bar I step into and that's fine too. I hope to be wise and take my opportunities as they come (and hope he does the very same).

Life is life, and that's why we have Hollywood et al. to make an everyday life unrealistically fascinating for 90 minutes. But we get so much more than 90 minutes to make our mark and explore life within whatever boundaries we choose to. Be the director of a very different type of movie and cherish every second.